Rollie Fingers: Any baseball player with the name "Fingers" must be a pitcher, right? And he must throw some wicked stuff too! Then add the "Snidely Whiplash" mustache and an unflappable sneer and it all adds up to a Hall of Fame career on the mound. I just don't know if he would've gotten as many guys out if his name was Rollie Smith and he was clean-shaven. I do wonder though if he was ever beaned by a line drive. Can you imagine the trainer running out to a woozy Rollie, saying, "Hey kid! How many fingers am I holding up?" With that name, 'ol Rollie was either destined to become an ace pitcher or a concert pianist.
Jean-Claude Killy: This guy dominated the slopes in the sixties and seventies, cutting a swath through the competition on his way to several Olympic gold medals. Killy (pronounced "Keelee") had it all: handsome features, a french accent, sick skills, and a Brut Cologne endorsement deal. His name just exudes the whole romantic french persona we American men are jealous of. "I am Jean-Claude Killy! I am french! I ski better than you, I look better than you, I am frenchier than you...I AM better than you! See how I tie my sweater around my neck and still look good? Smell the Brut, I am Jean-Claude Killy!" Somehow I don't think he would have been as marketable had his name been Barney Faffoofnik.
Bronko Nagurski: Technically his playing career was over before live TV became the real reason these games are even played. But the name Bronko Nagurski is the toughest football name I've ever heard. I mean, just look at that guy's jaw - that's gotta be hewn from pure granite. He's one player from a bygone era who could still start both ways today - and probably still play without a facemask. Heck, when his NFL career ended he went into pro wrestling and won a few titles there. He could snap DeMarcus Ware in half by just glaring at him. This makes me want to lobby my congressman to pass that reincarnation bill; we need Bronko Nagurski playing on Sundays again, this time on network television.
Dick Trickle: What is it about the name Richard that causes people to want to screw with it so? The name Richard is befitting of kings and paupers alike. But "Dick?" Seriously, why "Dick?" And if your last name is Trickle, wouldn't you want to just leave it at Richard, or Rich? If it were my kid and our last name was Trickle, I'd stay as far away from the lower extremeties as possible when choosing baby names. I'd go with Larry or George...something safe. This guy never won a Cup race but thanks to his name he got plenty of air time on ESPN. Is it a coincidence that Dan Patrick left the network about the same time Dick hung up the car keys? Random fact: Tom Cruise's character in the craptastic movie "Days of Thunder" was named "Cole Trickle." C'mon Tom. Go all out. Be a Dick.
Anna Smashnova: This woman retired from the pro tennis circuit in 2007 and frankly, I want to know who authorized it. Graphics operators the world over are mourning the loss of the Smashnova name on tennis scoreboard and stat pages. That name just wouldn't have sent the same message to opponents on the pro needlepoint circuit. You know, the message that says, "You are facing Smashnova today. Prepare to have your yamsack handed to you on live television." With the name Smashnova on her bag, Anna was destined for greatness as a tennis player. Now that her career is over, what now? Hey what about pro wrestling? The Smashnova name works there too, and Bronko proved there is money to be had there if you've got the marketing chops. How did Vince McMahon miss this one?
